I am a single mother, and I love being one! All you, if you have a tendency to feel the twinge of jealousy while watching someone else leading a good life, do not read any further, because that is what this write up is going to make you feel! Though it was fate at play which led me to single motherhood from day one, I am so glad I played along!
Read up why I enjoy being a single mother!
My red lipstick has no objecting audience
My lip colour has always been a matter of concern from the men in my life. Not only my ex, but other male figures too. Closing on to 30 years of life, I realised this was one of those things I had not enjoyed! Took the leap, wore it one fine day, put on a super red bright lipstick, and we became best friends! I don’t have a man objecting to it, and the ones who do, either do it silently, or I just don’t care!
The whole closet is available!
Of course, this is not true! When you have a spoilt little girl, you do tend to share your closet space with her, but that is cute. Not annoying. Our wardrobe has all the colours, the boring men’s clothes are thankfully not there.
My shoes are safe
The shoe rack becomes a safe place to keep the delicate pairs. There are no huge, bulky shoes trampling my delicate ones by their sheer weight. The only footwear accompanying mine is tiny sized, owned by someone who keeps them properly. Another area sorted!
The bed serves its purpose
I sleep on a large bed, with a tiny human. There is enough space of course to accommodate both of us. Yes, I might have caught her in time from falling off the same bed on a few instances, and she might have kicked me to the corner on more instances than I remember, but otherwise we both sleep soundly and enjoy our space on the bed!
I enjoy the most important spot my child’s world
You see that? I get to be the only parent she loves!
I mean it! Okay, it is true the other way around too, she gets to be THE only person at the top spot, but that does not take away the lack of competition I have!
I clean at my will
I have no one judging me, accept a pair of eyes belonging to a teeny tiny Miss Prim and Propah observing me, but she won’t judge me. At least that’s what I tell myself. But you see, she has pure love in her heart for me, which can overcome anything and everything else!
I have a constant helping hand
My little one knows that we are two, and hence she has to help me in some chores. At least those pertaining to herself. If I fold her clothes and tell her to keep them properly at the designated place, she knows how to. If I tell her to organise her books after she is done with reading, she knows how to. Well, because mumma has her own bookshelf to take care of, and the only person left is she herself who must do it.
I have an independent child
My little girl knows how to do her stuff, and I get the liberty to bring her up that way. There is no constant bickering over this, and no one tells me to be ‘considerate’ (as if a mother is not), or ‘let her be a child’ (as if a child cannot be responsible).
I have mental peace
Actually, this should have been at the top! Mental peace is what we wish to attain, and that is what I have right now! I have a world where I do not have to constantly struggle for attention, or constantly worry before opening my mouth so as not to hurt someone, which was all the time honestly.
I have friendships!
I have no one demanding my sole attention now. I have the time and energy to invest in the people I love, and want to keep in my life. I get to have a two-way traffic now! Earlier, I was made to feel guilty about even have a contact to be called a friend, according to the concept of ‘family is everything’. Of course family is everything but that does not mean you isolate yourself from the whole world! Now, I have a family who loves me, supports me, but I also have friends who know I am there for them!
I have financial freedom
I know how much money I have, and can plan how to use it. I can file my tax return myself with no one sulking over it too! I know I am responsible for my small family unit’s expenses, and that I need to manage everything around that. The money might be less, but even less can be satisfying if spent properly and judiciously.
I have a financially aware child
My daughter knows that she is not supposed to make atrociously expensive demands. There are times I feel sad about her asking me if we have the capacity to afford certain things, but then I feel I didn’t do a bad job! Each child must be aware of what is within reach and what is not. My daughter knows that if mumma has told her to wait for a certain thing, so that she collects a certain amount of good deeds for that and mumma collects a certain amount of money for that, she gets it, and never makes a fuss! Well, our poem has the line, ‘Mumma ka paisa gol-gol’.
I get to raise a feminist girl
My little one knows that mumma does everything, and that she too can do it. There is not job designated for a lady. A lady can do all jobs. Yes, there are a few times when I tell her that my brother would do it, but that is just because of the difference between either our heights or our sizes and not because of gender. We get to modify highly gender biased rhymes and stories according to us, and make them empowering! A basic a classic example is:
Telling a lies?
Open your mouth!
Ha! Ha! Ha!
We have so many of these! There is nothing more rewarding than your child accept such gender-neutral narratives. I get a benefit of having no one who refutes it!
I have an honest style opinion available to me
My little one approves my clothes many a times. Yes, for real. But her opinion is based on what is her current favourite colour, where there’s enough play of elements in the dress, or whether she approves of being hugged by me while I am wearing that dress or not. Okay, if that confuses you, that means whether the fabric is soft or not, and whether any of the embellishments come in the way or not. But I welcome such ‘practical’ opinion. As long as that opinion is not based on the fact how much I have to hide, or how much I have to show, what is decent and what is not, what someone wants to see on his wife or not, what makes no one stare at me for a moment or not, I am okay with following it.
I have an ever enthusiastic ‘getting ready’ partner
My little lady never disappoints. Even if it is to play getting decked up, she is up for it. It is never boring. We don’t mind wearing nice shoes, and tip toeing around our place, we don’t mind wearing flowy clothes just to twirl together, we don’t mind adorning various pieces of ornaments at home, just to giggle!
I have a set of ever-adoring eyes
I know that when I get ready, a pair of eyes is there to admire my every action. The devotion in those eyes makes me nervous at times, but hey! Who does not like attention! Undivided attention!
I own all the morning snuggles
Actually, night snuggles too! I get to wake up a baby from her sleep, and the have that sleepy little thing clinging to me for a while, just like that. I own all of that, mind you! Honestly, she owns me, and it gets a bit overwhelming too sometimes, but worth it!
Our life together is an everyday struggle. We both bicker, argue, cry, get angry too, but in the end we hug each other and sleep together. And this is clear to both of us, that if not for each other, then who! Hence, it is a constant journey, we both learn, realise our mistakes, and move on. I realise my mistakes, and sometimes my inability to correct them too, like my anger outbursts. But yes, I understand that the sooner I control it, the better.
Single parenthood comes with its own set of struggles which other parents might not understand properly. It has dilemmas of its own which they might never face. It has challenges of its own which might never present themselves to other parents. But single parenthood is a complete experience of parenthood too. And you see the above list? How huge! It is damn attractive!
This Post is a part of the #MomsSpeakUp Blog Train Hosted by Prisha and Nayantara. I would like to thank Gayatri for introducing me. Read their take on the prompt here. I would like to introduce Sweta. I’m sure you will enjoy reading her take on the prompt. Visit her blog here.
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